Participants Point of View-A1C Part 2

On January 25, 2011 by dsma_renata

Week 27 by Erin (@mrscalderon)

The A1c, to me, brings nerves and anxiety. I cannot be the only one who gets A1c results with feelings of guilt and dread. In the Tuesday night chat, @STroyCrow wrote “Its impossible to shake the mental pressure of A1Cs period”. That was a statement I really identify with because no matter how low my A1c gets, I am still filled with the same dread.

I know it’s just a number and I know that many diabetics have crossed over to the land of accepting that this number does not define them.

I so want to get to that place! I so want to get to the place of not feeling down when I have a high A1c. The fact is, the A1c doesn’t describe who I am as a diabetic. There is so much more to the story, something we all agree on. When I was in college and sailing in the 10’s and 11’s, my A1c didn’t show all the adjusting and maturing I did as a diabetic who was trying to negotiate self-care with school demands and trying to be covert. It didn’t show me learning how to eat and test and dose and all the rebounds.

I remember when I was pregnant, trying to explain this test-anxiety to my endo. “It’s like a report card”, I said. This is something I still really struggle with, even though I am happy with my current A1c. I still struggle with the sense of dread and even failure, if my A1c goes up even just a little. When I was pregnant, my endo and I struggled over the age-old question: Should we focus on day-to-day numbers or on my A1c or both?

My proposal is this: I personally resolve that I’m not going to let this get me down anymore. We all know there is more to the story and that one’s A1c cannot tell you really anything about his or her control. I am no longer going to let myself attach “good” or “bad” or “failure” to these numbers. I am going to just take the information that the number gives and move on from there. It’s time to identify myself by other adjectives and titles (wife, mother, hilarious and awesome twitter-addict) and not let the anxiety get the best of me. I’m not saying the A1c isn’t a valuable test and that we shouldn’t take its’ results into consideration or seriously, but I am through crying over high results or feeling like once I finally get into a certain range I will be happy. If you share my anxiety, join me on the other side! (I’d love the company!)

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